Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of “General Hospital”. They belong to ABC, Disney, and their creators.

Summary: Jessica Alcazar is recovering from her ordeal with Ric Lansing, but she’s not the same person she was before. Will Alcazar and Jason lose her for good?

Author's Note: This story will be a little darker than the first. Jessica is going to be struggling with her feelings about what happened to her. I will be getting more into her head. I will also be further developing her as a character, going deeper into her past, allowing us to all learn more about her. I also will be getting into Lorenzo’s head a bit more. We will see what he thinks about trying to handle two head-strong and independent teenagers (I will be bringing Diego into this one).

Rated: PG-13

Thanks to Aly for the banner

Chapter One

It’s been four months since I left Port Charles . . . Jessica laid her pen down, looking out the window a moment, gathering her thoughts. Picking up her pen again, she continued to write. Although I miss my father and Jason terribly, I needed to do this. I needed to get away, process all that has happened to me. I still wake up in the middle of the night with nightmares of what Ric Lansing put me through. I wake up shaking and drenched in a cold sweat, with this fear that it will happen all over again, but I know it won’t. Ric can’t possibly come after me again, he can’t use me as a pawn in his sick game to take down Lorenzo Alcazar, one of the biggest arms dealers in the country and big bad mob boss Sonny Corinthos and his killing machine enforcer Jason Morgan. He can’t do any of that because I killed him. I took the life of another human being. I know, I know, he wasn’t worthy of the space he took up, at least that’s how Carly put it, but the fact of the matter is, I killed a man in cold blood. How can a person with that knowledge be able to continue with their lives like it was nothing? I can’t do that.

Jessica closed the journal, her constant companion during her self imposed solitude. She sighed and pulled herself up off the bed, placing the book and pen in her night table drawer. Jessica remembered a conversation she had with Carly once she was released from the hospital.

- Flashback -

“Okay, you need to snap out of this funk and join the living Jessica!” Carly exclaimed as she as she barged into the apartment, finding Jessica curled up in the corner of the couch, staring at nothing.

With a sigh, Jessica barely moved as she shifted her eyes to Carly. “Go away Carly. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Too bad, because I am going to talk about it. I know that what you went through was horrible Jessica, but you have two men who love you and are worried about you. They are not sure how to help you,” Carly ranted as she paced around the room, throwing her hands in the air.

Jessica rolled her eyes and sat up, watching the woman who had become a close friend over the last few months. “Carly, how do you do it?” she asked, stopping the older woman in her tracks.

“How do I do what?” Carly asked, curious as to what Jessica was referring to.

“You married into the life; you chose it, why do you stay? I mean, you have been kidnapped multiple times, held hostage, had your life threatened, have been shot in the head and almost killed, why don’t you just take your kids and leave?

“Jessica, you have to understand, I have never been innocent myself in all of that, but I love Sonny and accept him for who he is and what he does. I know that no matter what happens to me, Sonny and even Jason will always be there to rescue me. Sonny and Jason are the two most important men in my life Jessica, I could never abandon them,” Carly explained, hoping the young girl could understand.

Jessica looked up at Carly, tears glistening in her eyes. “What if love isn’t enough?” she asked in a whisper.

- End Flashback -

Jessica walked to the window and looked out over the sapphire blue ocean, her hand going to her rounded stomach. She sighed as she thought of that conversation again.

Chapter Two / Chapter Three / Chapter Four

Chapter Five / Chapter Six / Chapter Seven / Chapter Eight / Chapter Nine / Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven / Chapter Twelve / Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen / Chapter Fifteen / Chapter Sixteen / Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen / Chapter Nineteen / Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two / Chapter Twenty-Three / Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five / Chapter Twenty-Six / Chapter Twenty-Seven / Chapter Twenty-Eight / Chapter Twenty-Nine / Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty-One / Chapter Thirty-Two / Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Four / Chapter Thirty-Five / Chapter Thirty-Six / Chapter Thirty-Seven

Chapter Thirty-Eight / Chapter Thirty-Nine

Chapter Forty

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