Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of “General Hospital”. They belong to ABC, Disney, and their creators.
Summary: Five very different men all see themselves for who they really are – but can they face the truth when they see their reflections?
Lucky pushed his thick hair off his head. He screwed up – big time. He cracked under the pressure he now knew he had put on himself. And in so doing, he pushed away the one woman he had ever loved.
Pushing himself off the couch, Lucky stumbled slightly and shook his head at how utterly pathetic he was. No wonder Liz left him. Moving into the bathroom, Lucky turned on the faucets in the sink and splashed cold water on his face. Straightening up, Lucky looked at himself in the mirror. He didn’t even recognize himself anymore. He was no longer the man his wife married, or the man that was a father to her son. Cameron. Lucky closed his eyes at the thought of the little boy he had come to think of as his own soon. That little boy has already lost so much in his short life – a father and grandfather he would never know. And now Lucky was ripping that little boy’s life apart again. And for what?
Lucky forced his eyes open and stared at himself in the glass. He was going to have to face the truth about himself – no matter how much it hurt. Lucky did not want to be like his father – always disappearing when things got tough, never being there for his family. Lucky had always strived to be a better man, a better father, than his own father – and he could do it again.
He could do this – he had to. He wasn’t going to let his family down. He had to be the one to fix this – no one else.
Stumbling back into the living room, Lucky grabbed the bag of pills from the table that Maxie had given him. Going back into the bathroom, Lucky opened the bad, and with a second thought, dumped the remaining pulls into the toilet and flushed them away.
Returning to the mirror, Lucky vowed to stop feeling sorry for himself and get his life back on track. Getting rid of the pills was the first step. Looking into his own eyes, Lucky knew the next step was to make sure Maxie knew things between them were over.
They say the mirror never lies, and Lucky was going to stop lying to himself.
Could my life get anymore screwed up? Ric asked himself with a shake of his head. With the way things were going, he was pretty sure it could.
His life was in shambles. His brother – his own flesh and blood – continued to turn his back on him and Ric was beginning to wonder if all of his efforts were even worth it in the long run, because at the end of it all, he was still left on the outside looking in.
He had tried to be a good man, husband and father, but this obsession he had with wanting to be accepted by his brother always got in the way. Ric laughed to himself as he remembered why he came to Port Charles in the first place – to make Sony pay for being chosen by their mother. It was a hate that had grown and been cultivated in him all of his life. Why would their mother choose one son over the other – how could she make a decision like that? And now she was dead before Ric even had a chance to find out why.
Revenge was the only way Ric knew how to make Sonny pay for the choices his mother made. But even that didn’t work. Every attempt Ric made to make Sonny pay only blew up in his face – over and over again.
Getting up off the couch in the house his wife had bought for their family, Ric moved to the window by the door. It as peaceful here. Beautiful. But was this really his life? The caring, understanding husband, the doting father, the shrewd lawyer - or was this just a façade that could shatter as easily and effortlessly as the glass panes of the window in front of him? His life had shattered before, and although he had worked hard to put the pieces back together, there were cracks and missing pieces he would never be able to fix or replace.
Like a piece of glass with a spider-web crack spreading over the surface – it wouldn’t take too much pressure to break it completely. And what would be the final breaking point for him? Turning from the window, Ric stopped when he caught sight of his reflection in the clear glass. Maybe it was time to take a really good look at himself and finally figure out who he was and what he wanted and didn’t want for his life. He needed to stop living for his brother’s attention. He knew that wasn’t what he wanted. And that was a good place to start.
He sat in the near darkness of the large living room. The house was too quiet, too big, to empty. And he had no one to fault but himself. Everyone that had meant anything to him had left him. And it was his doing. Each and every time. It was a hard truth to accept, but it was time he accepted it and faced the man he was. Admittingly, he was not a man he was proud of. And now it was not just his life he was ruining, but the lives of his two children. An almost adult son who resented him and now an unborn child he would never get to see.
Lorenzo sighed as his eyes focused on the glass in his hand, the amber liquid taking on a hypnotic hue as it danced over the ice that clinked on the sides. It was his only solace. It made him see the truth. No amount of threats or contacts were able to give him what he sought – absolution. Forgiveness. A second chance. He almost had it – but it had all slipped through his fingers. And now he didn’t know what to do to get it back. Should he even bother trying? It seemed the harder he tried to get his life back on track, the worse things became. The man he wanted to be no longer existed and trying to get that back was proving to be impossible. The only way out of the life he had chosen was death. He was not immune – no matter how much he wanted to believe that. He was not in control. He did not have all the power. He was just one of many pawns in the fight for power and survival in a world where neither was ever guaranteed.
Lifting the glass, Lorenzo could see his reflection in the amber liquid. Could see the depth of his loss in his eyes. This is what he had become. An empty shell of a man with no meaningful connections.
Lorenzo’s thoughts traveled back to a time when he thought he could be happy. A time when he thought he could have a different future from the one his father and brother had chosen. He was determined to make a name for himself in his chosen passion – history. A small smile graced his lips as he thought of the beautiful young woman. She had been full of passion. A passion he admired and that had drawn him to her. It was her passion the right the wrongs in the world. To help the helpless. Sophie Germaine had been his salvation. With her, he saw hope and a possibility of a future of his own making. But the world she sought to protect took her away from him. But Lorenzo took most of the blame for Sophie’s death. They had been preparing to go on a mission together, but Lorenzo had gotten a call from Luis, needing his brother’s help. Lorenzo’s obligation to family had him leaving Sophie to help Luis. By the time he as able to return to her, he had found that she had been killed in a surprise attack on the village she had gone to. A large part of Lorenzo died with her. And he became the man he never wanted to be. Cold. Heartless. Cruel. Detached. He left Oxford right away, never looking back. He joined in his family’s business.
It was during this dark time, when he became self-destructive, that Lorenzo met a young woman name Maria. He saw a way to redeem himself somewhat – she was young and hooked on drugs, and he could help her and give her the world. But, of course, it hadn’t exactly worked that way. During a shoot-out in an alley, Lorenzo had been wounded and left to die. Maria had witnessed the shooting and had taken off, never telling Lorenzo she was pregnant. Seventeen years later, Lorenzo was shocked to learn he had a son.
Before Diego came into his life, there was Carly. Carly, who was feisty and fiery. A woman determined to do anything to get what she wants. A woman who, in some ways, reminded him of Sophie. And he had latched onto that. Lorenzo wasn’t proud of the things he had done to make Carly his. And when she was his wife. When he had bought this home for their family – it all crumbled around him. He had tried to change his life for her. To leave the business he had inherited from his dead father and brother. A business that thrived and was so much stronger than when run by them. A business he was respected in. But Lorenzo was willing to leave it all behind for a life and a future with Carly. But that blew up in his face in a big way.
Then there was Diego. Lorenzo regretted missing Diego growing up – not being a part of his son’s life. By the time Diego came into his life, he was angry and confused and his life had been one challenge after another. Lorenzo wanted to be in his son’s life, but had no idea how. Besides the fact that he had been wrapped up in his own life, he had ignored his son’s cries for attention, until he was faced with the truth. Lorenzo leaned his head back on the chair as he remembered the look on Diego’s face when Lorenzo turned him in as the PCU Stalker. Another person in his life had been ripped away. And now that Diego was home, and now that a year had passed, he still didn’t know his son.
Pushing himself out of his chair, Lorenzo made his way back to the bar to refresh his drink. His thoughts turned to Skye. She was a woman that had snuck up on him. What had begun as his helping her family business, had quickly turned into so much more. Lorenzo felt he could do anything with Skye by his side. And again, he tried to change who he was when he learned that Skye was pregnant with his child. He had been given a second chance.
Turning to the fire place, empty in the heat of summer, Lorenzo stared into the dark depths. He looked down into the glass, his hand tightening as he again thought of what he had lost because of who he was. Seeing his eyes in the clear glass, Lorenzo unconsciously squeezed harder, until the reflection of his eyes shattered into thousands of pieces.
He couldn’t change who he was. And he needed to stop trying. All it did was cause heartache for all involved.
She had been the love of his life. He had tried to deny it, but when she needed him most, he had been there for her. He had come so close to losing her to cancer and it had scared the hell out of him. He had begged her to fight. To stay with him. To be in his life. Theirs was a love that was so deep – it should have been able to withstand anything. Anything – but rape.
Nikolas sighed as he sat at his desk. He had just put Spencer down for a nap and had decided to get some work done while his son was sleeping. His son. Nikolas never thought he would be a father. But here he was. And he would never trade it in for anything. It was the greatest experience of his life.
But he couldn’t concentrate. Leaning back in the tall backed chair, Nikolas pulled open the bottom right-hand draw and withdrew the silver frame. Closing the drawer, Nikolas held the frame in his hands. The picture had been taken just after their engagement. They had been so happy and so in love. Then everything had fallen apart. There was his grandmother; then Nikolas going to jail; then Conner and Emily being raped and everything that happened after. Thinking back on it now, Nikolas wished he had been more supportive of Emily. That he had been there for her, giving her time and space to tell him what was going on. But he hadn’t. He pushed her. And he let his own feelings of inadequacy take over.
But amazingly, after all of it – after the divorce, after Courtney and Sonny, after discovering he had a son – he and Emily still managed to hang onto their friendship and had started to rebuild a trust in each other. Nikolas smiled as he tiled the photo and saw his own reflection in the glass. He was a different man than the one Emily had married. But he liked to think he was a better man now. A man who knew what was valuable in life. Running his finger down Emily’s face, Nikolas smiled. This time, he was going to do things right. This time, he was going to make it work. This time, he was going to be happy.
Instead of putting the framed picture back in the drawer, Nikolas placed the frame on his desk. His smile shone in the glass. This felt right. And as he heard his son over the baby monitor, Nikolas knew it was right. Feeling lighter and more at ease with himself, Nikolas left his desk to get his son. And next time Alfred lured Emily to the island, he wouldn't be so quick to chastise the butler’s well-meaning interference.
He saw her across the dance floor. She looked beautiful. Her hair was piled on her head, showing off her slim, long neck. The dress she wore floated around her like a cloud. He saw her smile and the way her eyes lit up as she crossed the dance floor to him. As she got closer, she ran into his arms. He picked her up, turned her . . . and then felt the slight jerk in her body . . . she went limp. Looking down, he saw the blood on his hands. Her blood. Panicked, Jason lifted Sam into his arms and rushed back into the main room . . .
Jason blinked. The images clearing as his eyes refocused on the bullet hole in the glass of the balcony doors. Sure, he could have had the window fixed, but he didn’t want to. He needed this as a reminder of why he broke the heart of the one woman he had ever loved deeply. Because of him, Sam had almost lost her life.
This had been the hardest thing he had to do. To sit at Sam’s bedside and pray for her to pull through. To watch her barely hang onto life. Pleading with her to fight for her life. To know that he did this to her. He may not have been the one to pull the trigger, but he might as well have. Sam’s life was hanging in the balance because of who and what he was. And it certainly didn’t help to have Alexis constantly reinforcing that this was his fault.
Once he knew Sam was going to survive and once she had woken up, Jason painstakingly told her that they couldn’t be together. He watched as her heart broke. And then he walked away as she screamed for him to not leave her. That she loved him. That he loved her.
And he did love her. He loved her enough to walk away in order to save her life. He just didn’t know how he was going to make her understand that.
Moving from the window, Jason turned and looked around the penthouse. It was so empty, so quiet. Too quiet. Sam had brought so much life into his barren existence. She had made this place a home – a home he found himself always wanting to return to. No matter what was going on, he knew he would be okay once he was home with Sam. Home. Now that life was gone and the penthouse was lifeless again.
And it was all his doing. Sam should be home right now. She should be talking about . . . anything. Jason missed her constant chatter. And her failed attempts to cook. He missed holding her in his arms. Feeling her love for him and seeing it in her eyes.
Was keeping her alive worth living without her? That was the question that had been on Jason’s mind since this all began. Was he really making the right choice here? And did he have the right to make this decision for Sam?
Jason had always believed that people had the right to make their own decisions in life, and here he was, telling Sam how to live her life without him. Sam was his life. She gave him a reason to live. She let him be quiet when he needed to be. She supported him when he needed her support. And she loved him unconditionally.
Jason sighed. All he had done was make both himself and Sam miserable and that was no way to live. Taking one last look at the balcony doors, Jason made a mental note to get it fixed and grabbed his keys as he left. He needed to talk to Sam.
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