Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of “General Hospital”. They belong to ABC, Disney, and their creators. I just like to use them for my own entertainment.

Summary: Diego thinks about his past, about the people he has met, and the man he would like to become.

Rated: PG

The Boy I Was...The Man I Am Becoming

Whenever Diego Alcazar looked back at his life, he cringed at some of the poor choices he had made and yearned to change them. The only downside was that he couldn’t go back. Maybe that’s why he did some of the awful things he did, because he just couldn’t grasp the knowledge that he was changing – that he was becoming a man. But could he become a man he would come to respect when he got old and gray?

That’s another question he couldn’t seem to grasp a hold of. So he waited patiently and began to watch people around him. He started with Dillon.

A boy that was starved for attention and fame, a part of Diego despised Dillon Quartermaine because Dillon came from something he didn’t. Money and a name. Over time however Diego began to see something in Dillon that he hadn’t seen before. A hate that almost resembled his own. Dillon cared about the money and acknowledgement, but what he really wanted was love. He got that from Georgie, but Dillon didn’t seem to know that it existed. Maybe that was why he found Georgie so fascinating at one time. He had learned that Georgie wasn’t his to have, and it had hurt, but he understood. The fact that they were still friends after everything that he had done still surprised Diego.

The second man he looked at was Lucas. A boy that had been through so much in his life, but not yet a man that he could one day be proud of. He was learning though. Lucas had no problem expressing the knowledge that he was gay and he no longer feared what other people thought. Both Lucas and Guy had to be one of Port Charles weirdest couples, but they fit – case in point – they were happy and Diego found himself happy for them. Everyone deserved to be happy and in love with anyone they wanted.

Another person that came to mind was Lucky Spencer. A man, yet sometimes a boy. Lucky had been through a lot in his life, however insecurities that he had been burying deep inside himself for years came to bite him in the behind in the form of Manny Ruiz. Manny had put a lot of fear into the citizens of this town and had made people rethink their past actions and yearned to change that. When Lucky fell into bed with Maxie Jones however, Diego seemed to lose the already faltering respect that he had for the former cop. Lucky seemed to continue to dig an even deeper hole for himself, and if he didn’t change his ways quickly he would end up falling into it.

That brought Nikolas Cassadine to mind. Diego had heard the stories of the Cassadine's, and its heir, enough to feel sympathy for the man, but what had surprised him was that Nikolas took everything in stride and strived to be better in each and every thing he did. The fact that he was now a father to a boy named Spencer, answered all the questions of why Diego respected the older man.

When he thought of Nikolas and all the accomplishments he had made in his life, Doctor Patrick Drake came to mind. Closed off but kind at the same time, Patrick had dealt with high’s and low’s in his life – something Diego could sympathize with. Having a drunk for a father had to have been hard for the man that could still be a little boy at times. Diego could see that Patrick had to grow up fast after his mother had passed away and he was surprised that the man hadn’t gone insane in the process. Of course he had Robin Scorpio to thank for that. Diego had heard about what had happened to Patrick during one of his surgeries and was surprised how well he took it, but Diego wasn’t stupid, he knew Patrick feared having the disease that his girlfriend has. Another reason to respect Patrick and Robin. He knew if he had the disease he would want to be around someone like Robin. Someone that had been HIV Positive for over ten years, but still had hope for a cure someday.

A wealthy man with a heart, Jasper Jacks was not a man Diego wanted to mess with, but a man that he had come to respect a hell of a lot. Again, Diego wasn’t stupid, or naďve. Jax had taken Nikolas’ son and passed it off as his, for one thing only – to protect him from the evils of the world. What Diego hadn’t expected was for Jax to fall completely and hopelessly in love with the little boy – and Carly, as a matter of fact. Seeing them together made Diego long to have something special. Someone to love and be loved in return. He wouldn’t go for another one-sided relationship again. He had learned the hard way with Brook Lynn, Maxie, and Georgie. Jax would always have a special bond with Spencer, but the truth of the matter was that Spencer was happy where he was. Diego just wished Nikolas would get rid of that crazy woman he called Spencer’s nanny. Talk about scary!

Another person that gave Diego the creeps was Ric Lansing. A man that was so insecure with himself that made even his own life seem simple. Ric’s life, along with Sonny Corinthos’ deserved to be on the Jerry Springer show along with the loves and past loves in their lives. One thing Diego could respect was Sonny’s love for his children. It was unconditional, and he had proven that by taking anti-depressants, a medication he feared would change his life. If only the man wasn’t his father’s enemy!

And speaking of his father’s enemy, Jason Morgan came to Diego’s mind. Diego didn’t really know if he either respected the man or hated him. That was one thing that intrigued him as he grew. Jason could not be categorized because he simply couldn’t be figured out. One minute he could be cold and ruthless and within a blink of an eye he could be nice and understanding. Diego knew that Jason didn’t want him in the business and, although he understood, it still frustrated him to no end.

Jason was an enigma with seemed to attract everyone around him. Diego just wished he would get off his high horse and take Samantha McCall back. Seeing them together had given Diego something to look forward to in the future.

And than there’s his father, another man he couldn’t categorize even if he could. A man who he was coming to love and respect, but also still couldn’t get past. Maybe when he got in too deep, Diego should have went to his father for help, but he didn’t. Though he wouldn’t say it out loud, Diego was glad that Lorenzo put him in his place, and also in prison. He had learned a lot about himself in that place. Diego wasn’t perfect, nor was anybody else; it was what they chose to do about themselves that made them who they were today. Diego knew that not only his father, but also everybody else on the planet, had a lot of growing up to do – but so did he.

Diego couldn’t change the past but he could change his thoughts and actions for the future, and learn from his mistakes to become a better man. A man he could one day be proud of. A husband. A father. A friend. A man.

Diego smiled. He couldn’t wait for the future that was already happening.


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